I wish I was awsome...
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Matthew" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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01:36 am
[Link] | So that's what the end of the world feels like. Hmm...
Current Mood:  calm
Current Music: Cannonball - Damien Rice
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12:01 am
[Link] |
Hey...
It's been a while.
Current Mood:  indifferent
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03:55 pm
[Link] |
Whoop!
So I am A&M right now, visiting Haley. It is so awesome down here. I love the college life. We went to this thing called Breakaway last night which is like a church service type thing and it was so cool. The guy was hilarious and talked about things that actually relate to my life. I really liked it.
I can't wait to go to college. I didn't want to before but just after one day I'm so excited.
Current Mood:  bouncy
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09:01 am
[Link] |
I don't do well with peer pressure...
1. Dancing like an idiot whether alone or in good company.
2. Knowing I always have at least one person to talk to.
3. Remembering that I have a good and loving family, my health, and a comfortable life.
4. Being a middle child with a brother and a sister. The best of both worlds.
5. Being born human, as opposed to some random bug or something.
6. Having brown hair and blue eyes.
7. Being a boy....ish.
8. Christmas morning and Halloween night.
9. Childhood memories.
10. Knowing someone is thinking about me.
Current Mood:  worried
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11:22 pm
[Link] | I really love getting blown off. It's so nice when someone tells you that they would love to do something and then decide later that they have found better things to do. It's even better when these plans effect someone else and this repeated action causes you to look like a complete ass to someone you might happen to like. And on top of this, whenever you try to do anything with anyone, no one seems available. It's amazing how the timing works out. So I guess I'll just sit at home, by myself, hoping that someday I'll have loyal friends who can keep their word.
Current Mood:  pissed off
Current Music: Right Here Waiting - Richard Marx
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03:53 pm
[Link] |
My Seventeenth!
MOTHER FUCK! I am so god damn pissed! Why the hell does my timing suck so much. In the grand scheme of things this is nothing, but right now I am livid. So my friend Haley Hendrix (many of you know her) has been planning, for the last two months or so a big birthday weekend for me. It was decided that on the 16-18 she would come up from College Station and take me around all weekend and do many exciting and surprise things. She had it all planned with my other friend Melissa Moran and it was supposed to be awesome. I don't really know what all was included but it involved a hotel and permisiion from my parents to be gone all weekend. I have been looking forward to this for a -long- time. I even got off work so that I would have nothing to do. You have no idea how excited I was.
Well I come to find out today that all of this is no longer going to happen. It turns out that my fucking dance teachers have planned master classes as well as choreography for one of our dances that very same weekend. They are bringing in some guy to teach us and all and it's required for senior and elite. And of course I don't find out about this until today because they didn't give us the forms until last night. And we can't do it this weekend because Haley has a retreat for her sorority and the following weekend is homecoming. And I'm so mad because Haley was so nice to plan this whole thing for me and she was doing so much just to make me happy and I am screwing it all up. Not only was she taking her whole weekend to entertain me, but she was paying for the whole thing. And she -just- got the hotel reservations. I feel horrible and dissapointed and just all around shitty. So basically all this anticipation and excitement just went down the tube. And let me tell you, it feels great!
Current Mood:  infuriated
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01:24 am
[Link] |
Carp...
( I meant crap )
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04:32 pm
[Link] |
Just trying to explain...
It has seemed to me that you have lost interest in other people. Lately I have felt like if it is not the way you want, then it's wrong. Pretty much everyone has become so engrossed in the drama that it seems like nothing else matters. I am tired of trying to accomidate to everyone else. I'm tired of having to work so hard to keep everyone happy. It seems like no matter what people do, there is always something to be upset about. Like this whole feeling left out bit. I know I have called and been blown off, so I am not going to sit around and worry about how I can be a better friend. Because if it is really this difficult to get along, then what's the point?
And I am tired of everyone bringing up this whole "drinking and smoking" bullshit because it has nothing to do with it. I understand that some people do things that they may not have a while back or that you may not agree with. But I have never hung out with or ignored anybody based on how "hardcore" they are. I actually couldn't care less whether people smoke or drink and don't let that affect who I choose to spend my time with. And to use that as an excuse as to why it's our fault that no one gets along is completely ridiculous.
And as I told Vanessa, I may have said that I wanted to try those things, but in reality wouldn't. I am not looking to get involved in all of that. I was more or less just bored with stuff and wanted to do something to change that. But I am not one to get caught up in something if I don't want to. I am not that person. I consider myself sensible enough to make my own choices.
I love you all, I always have. But things just aren't the same anymore. And the only thing that has changed about me in the past month or two is my maturity level. I no longer enjoy this meaningless drama. And I don't want to lose any of you, I really don't. You have been the closest people I have ever had. But I really get tired of feeling guilty all thetime and having to apologize for things that I haven't actually done.
You guys don't realize how frusterating it is for me to feel like I am never doing anything right. I haven't actually seen anyone except Kate in a while but I still come on this stupid Lj and read about how we (everyone) are not living up to all the standards set. I constantly feel like I am not acting as a "good" friend. It is way to much to deal with and I just wish that everyone could see -that-.
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10:47 pm
[Link] | I am pretty much over this shit. I have accepted the fact that no one cares anymore. I have come to terms with the fact that if it doesn't affect you directly, then you're not interested. But don't lie and say that we mean everything to you and you are devoted. Because it's entirely obvious that it's all a lie. If you really cared you wouldn't blow people off and make the world revolve around you. You would be interested when other people talk and not bring up old dramas just to become the center of attention. I mean, hell! You could at least fake it every once in a while.
But you know what? It's not worth it. I am tired of dealing with so much shit. I don't understand why it is so difficult to get along. I have other friends and they are so easy to deal with. Yeah we aren't always smiling but at least I can trust that they will be there when I need them. I don't even know if I still have that from you people. You, the ones I used to love unconditionally. And I know I am not the only one feeling like this. But I also know that some people who are, are actually part of the problem. And while there are a few people who I still believe to be good at heart, there are others that I wonder about.
Current Mood: pissed off
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03:04 am
[Link] | 
As if you were born into a world of tears, you
always tend to look at the darker things in
life. Inside you crave attention yet push away
society, and you're a hopeless romantic. Drawn
to things like the occult and mysteries, you
spend your time daydreaming.
What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla
And in other news, I have pretty much realized what a fucking loser I am. I would have to say that I am the least experienced person I have ever met. I have never been drunk/buzzed. I have never tried smoking. I have never kissed anyone, or at least on my own accord and nwithout being dared. I have never done a single drug. I have been single since 8th grade when I had a completely platonic relationship with a girl I didn't even like. I never have anything worth talking about, or even thinking about really. I notice that every time people are talking I have nothing to say. Not because I want to be miserable or enjoy feeling left out, just because I honestly have nothing to say. My life is pretty much as boring as they come.
And no this is not me falling into depression. I'm not like that anymore. It's just me feeling unsatisfied, like I need a change. I am growing tired of the same old Matthew and just want to feel like I am making the most out of my life, or at least taking the most out of my life.
But I don't really know why I am bothering with this post. It's just another bitchy post about how I don't like something and blahdy blahdy fucking blah. Oh well, it doesn't matter anyway. I'm never gonna do anything about it, because that's just who I am. Conservative, level-headed, responsible Matthew. Always there to tell you what not to do.
Current Mood:  discontent
Current Music: Some shit in the other room...
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04:47 pm
[Link] |
Mutha fuckaaaaaaas!
Current Mood:  horny
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03:29 am
[Link] |
Hey, I'm not complaining...
Current Mood:  tired
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08:39 pm
[Link] |
What the hell...
Why are these celebrities so God damn gorgeous?
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05:38 pm
[Link] |
I love this song...
It's awesome because it's so upbeat and cheery.
Hated
Nikki Cleary Lyrics
From the first time that I saw you
I thought you crawled out of Us magazine
It's no wonder that it wasn't all you
All the things that I wanna be
Everybody loved you and they treated you
Like you stepped out of a TV show
But if they really got the chance to meet you
They'd finally see how hard you blow
I hate you, I hate you
Cause I see through
To what a fake you are
You disgust me, that's why you must be hated
Like the winner of beauty pageant
You are the one I most admire
But as a loser I can only imagine
Wearing that crown but your heads on fire
You're the real American Idol
You're the poor man's Mandy Moore
You're the E! True Hollywood Story
About a two faced strip mall whore
I hate you, I hate you
Cause I see through
To what a fake you are
You disgust me, that's why you must be hated
You got a lot of stuff
Stuff you don't deserve
You got a lot of friends
You got a lot of nerve
Trust me, you must be hated
La la la
La la la
La la-la la
La la la
Trust me, you must be hated
I wish I had your money
I wish I had your ride
I wish I had your boyfriend
I wish you'd choke and die
I hate you, I hate you
Cause I see through
To what a bitch you are
You disgust me, that's why you must be hated
I hate you, I hate you (la la la)
Cause I see through (la la la)
To what a bitch you are (la la la)
You disgust me, that's why you must be hated
Current Mood:  dorky
Current Music: Hated - Nikki Cleary
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03:21 am
[Link] |
Random Cyniscisms...
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake
A conclusion is the place where you got tired thinking.
You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.
Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
To be in love is merely to be in a state of perpetual anesthesia - to mistake an ordinary young woman for a goddess.
A man generally has two reasons for doing a thing. One that sounds good, and a real one.
The truth is not always the same as the majority decision.
Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
I couldn't help it. I can resist everything except temptation
If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to?
The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them.
History repeats itself. That's one of the things wrong with history.
I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.
You know you're getting old when everything hurts. And what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
Bad artists always admire each other's work.
My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.
There's nothing wrong with the average person that a good psychiatrist can't exaggerate.
I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
The world is divided into people who do things--and people who get the credit.
I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
I like children. Properly cooked.
Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatsoever to do with it.
Almost every man wastes part of his life attempting to display qualities which he does not possess.
Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding pattern over Philadelphia.
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge where there is no river.
The person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused.
The books that everybody admires are those nobody reads.
A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it rains.
Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult.
Current Mood: dorky
Current Music: Be Like That - 3 Doors Down
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12:53 am
[Link] |
Hella...
Kate and Kj, I love you! I need to hang out with you more often.
Current Mood:  chipper
Current Music: Drop It Like It's Hot - Haley Hendrix
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06:36 pm
[Link] |
Ryan and all others...
DEFINATE
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05:23 pm
[Link] |
Yup yup...
So dance is over for a while. I have nothing to do until summer classes start and then Nationals in LAS VEGAS. I am pretty damn excited about that...Sort of. But yeah...
I've gotten pretty boring lately. Not intentionally, I have just kinda slowed down. I don't have any major dilemas, nothing exciting, nothing really at all. I'm pretty much in a lull.
I really need to party. I just wanna go crazy and act wild. Let my hair down (figuratively, of course) and let my inner rebel out.....or something. I hope this summer is like last summer. Man, I miss last summer. Those were good times.
But anyway, enough about me. How are you?
Current Music: Memory - Sugarcult
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01:16 am
[Link] |
I know, it's all been done before...
Your Life: The Soundtrack | Created by aiko and taken 27432 times on bzoink! | | Opening credits | Good Riddance - Green Day | | Waking up | Working for the Weekend - Loverboy | | Average day | The Places You Have Come to Fear the Most - Dashboard Confessional | | First date | Hands Down - Dashboard Confessional | | Falling in love | In Your Eyes - Peter Gabriel | | Love scene | Belief (Acoustic) - Gavin DeGraw | | Fight scene | They - Jem | | Breaking up | Goodbye to You - Michelle Branch | | Getting back together | Dancing - Elisa | | Secret love | Here's to the Night - Eve 6 | | Life's okay | No Rain - Blind Melon | | Mental breakdown | Gabriel - Lamb | | Driving | Title and Registration - Death Cab for Cutie | | Learning a lesson | Times Like These (Acoustic) - Foo Fighters | | Deep thought | Behind Blue Eyes - Limp Bizkit | | Flashback | Let Go - Frou Frou | | Partying | A Little Less Conversation [JXL Radio Edit Remix] - Elvis Presley | | Happy dance | Everybody Got Their Something - Nikka Costa | | Regreting | Hello - Evanescence | | Long night alone | Older Chests - Damien Rice | | Death scene | 100 Years to Live - Five for Fighting | | Closing credits | This Is Your Life - Switchfoot | Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink! |
Current Mood: lethargic
Current Music: Hands Down (Acoustic) - Dashboard Confessional
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06:21 pm
[Link] |
Shit, Mother Fuck...
I hate when I don't even know what I'm feeling. I can't tell whether I'm sad, regretful, longing, nostalgic, hopeful, confused, or just all-around crappy. All I know is that there's something off right now. And I don't even know why, dammit...
Current Mood: ???
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